Caring for Your Introvert
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is “too serious,” or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
…What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring. Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands
Check Check and Check.
Realizing I was an introvert was one of the greatest things that happened to me. Better understanding how my own mind operates has helped me work better and be more efficient at my own job.
It’s also helped me realize what jobs are *not* for me - like sales jobs. So the standard line that everyone gives that everyone wanting to be in leadership has to go through a stint in sales has led me to seek out other alternatives, such as sales support or something that wouldn’t completely exhaust and burn me out after a few months.
If you haven’t yet, you should take a Meyers-Briggs personality test. Mostly accurate knock-offs are freely available with 2minutes of Googling.
Being an introvert isn’t a bad thing, you just have to know that you are not an extrovert in what feels like an extrovert’s world and take time for yourself and set boundaries.
